Second update for the day. Im so fucking bored and my heart hurts real badly now. I`ve got no one to pour out my sorrows or problems to. Hais..I guess we`re gonna be over soon.

We just quarrelled not long ago. About stupid stuffs again. It was he that kept using k**** to irritate me. Firstly, i have never even flirt nor had a fling with him. I only played with him when i was a young girl. I knew him way back and to be exact, when i was primary 4. I have never even talked to him ever since i was sec 1. Maybe only 2-3 times last yr..and that was on MSN. Its not that you dunno and i`ve even told you about it. Secondly, if i love him, would i even be so devoted and committed to this r/s of ours? its a one year plus r/s.. why cant i even get something so simple like trust from you? Whats there for you to be jealous? Maybe you can be jealous if i said i liked him or if i was his GF, but NO.. its the opposite..you know that the one i love is you and you know that im your gf. Why must you keep pushing me to him? You keep wanting me to say things you dislike and in the end, it turns out to be my fault. Its not like you`ve never said a girl was pretty before. I admit i said he was handsome..but it doesnt mean that just because he is handsome means that i will fall in love with him right? If that is so, every handsome person i meet, i would already fall in love with them. Tell me which girl would be so stupid, tht whenever she goes out and there is guys, she would go and tell her bf? and if she doesnt, she would feel so guilty and in the end, she would still say it out..go and ask my crush ok..go ask how tiong xim i am to you..dont say she my good friend will cover up for me..but thats what i really do. Go and ask around.. i may not be the best gf or a very good gf..but one thing for sure is that im serious with you and i really want to be with you for all my life. It may be too early to say so but its you that i wanna see spending the rest my life with me. I really dont know how we turned out to be this way? I`ve msged enoch and asked him to ask you to call me..but yet you havent.. Whats this supposed to mean? you wanna leave me or you just wanna me feel hurt and sad? Why the fuck are you treating me like this? I really feel that i dont deserve all this at all. I tire the fuck outta myself just to cook for you..and i tried to control my temper..i have also tried to give in and stopped pestering you to meet me anymore.. but you are really taking advantage of it aint you? Your friends are always number one to you. Got problems you pia down..yet you`ve never really cared about how i would feel. When i had problems, no doubt that you pia down too..but that time the person put the place is serangoon garden mac and i only told you that i suspected someone from my class. What you did was only to ask me to get that girl out.. What if it wasnt her? you didnt even accompany me down to serangoon garden. The person in the end dua-ed me..but shouldnt you have gone down in case the person appeared? That day when i asked you to meet me.. you said you were tired and didnt feel like going out..FINE. But the next day.. you pon school and went to the hospital to visit enoch and even spent the night with him. If it was me..you would have already fucked me off. That day when we quarrelled..you told me to fuck off your life..i seem so insignificant to you.. not important at all.. but yet, you would always tell me how much you love me and how you cant afford to lose me..how contridictary? Now here i am waiting like a fucking fool for your call when you might be there enjoying yourself. If i really was something in your eyes, you would have alrdy called me. but maybe its your frens or maybe its me that is jealous of your friends because you spend so much time with them. I dont know.. Hais..all i know is that my heart fucking hurts now. Love fucking sucks because it hurts and yet being single sucks too because there`s no one to love you. I feel as thou my feelings are fading for him but yet, whenever we quarrel my heart feels so fucking pain. My mind is full of thoughts. I also get a phobia whenever he doesnt call me or answer my call because i`ll feel that he is gonna leave me. Why do i have this phobia? its because the other time, before he broke off with me..thats what he did to me. He`ll never know when to cherish me unless im fucking banged by a car or fucking in a coma or maybe when im fucking lying in my coffin. AHH..FUCK ME FUCK THIS WORLD. If he doesnt call me by 6am..i guess i get his msg. Hais.. FORGET IT!!!!

If only we all can be fuck its and not care about anything in this world.